Mariah Carey will be fine, people

Published: 1/5/2017 11:00 AM
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Remember that time you were to perform on New Year’s Eve in Times Square and there was an audio malfunction and you’re life subsequently ended?

No. That never happened.

Everyone attributes Mariah Carey’s performance as the last celebrity death of 2016 — her career. Nope. I’m pretty sure Mariah will be just fine.


Well, for starters, she has buckets of money. I mean big buckets. Vats of money.

She signed her first music contract for $80-some million and change. That alone would tell me she’s fine.

Sure, she lives a lavish, diva lifestyle, but holy lightning, the money she has made throughout the year is incomprehensible to simple folk like you and me.

And I’m not even that big of a fan, aside from her early work, but I do know she’s not “OVER.”

For her to be over, would mean she did something to void her entire discography. No, she had a bomb of a performance, but, come on, wasn’t that an appropriate way to end the year?

We were all pretty dramatic about 2016 being awful, so isn’t a bomb (and not in the cool new sense of the word) performance perfect?

I’ll never perform in Times Square, but I know if I did, and something went horribly wrong, I’d probably run crying from the stage. She handled it like her regular diva self, nonchalantly walking around the stage, admitted to lip synching and offering the audience opportunity to sing the lyrics.

Who cares?

I mean, I guess I do since I am writing about it, but my concern is more of the reaction of the masses.

We overreact to the most inane things and underreact to things that really matter. Oh my, Kim Kardashian is back on social media and that sociopath she’s married to is in a family photo. Thank goodness they aren’t getting divorced, because I lived through the Kris Humphries divorce and that was 72 days of hope for marital bliss I’ll never get back.

So, Mariah will be fine. We’ll all be fine and recover from whatever happened on that stage. We’ve shared it enough, let’s move on.

It all comes down to that German word: schadenfreude. That’s when people get pleasure from others misfortune.

And we love that, don’t we? A fall from grace will make you the talk of the town — trust me. But that sits on the opposite of the positive-in-positive out theory, so watch yourself. Karma drops in when you least expect it.

Now, are you going to get hit by a bus for hating on Mariah Carey? I’d say likely not, but getting your kicks out of the pain of others is just gross. Root for people to do better and recognize priority. Celebrate success, not failures of your fellow man. Like this guy below who dressed like a zebra to see why they have stripes.

(Jenna Wasakoski is an assistant editor at The News-Item. Her lifestyle column appears Thursdays.)

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