Dear Abby: My mother is 86 and drives everyone in the family crazy when we have to spend time with her. She says things that make people cringe. She’s racist, homophobic, judgmental and critical of everybody and everything.
When we try to point out that what she says hurts people, she starts going into how much she is hurt — daily — by all of us, how “mean” we are to her and how we are her family and need to be more loving. We all feel sorry for her and hate how lonely she is. We include her in all major holidays and family celebrations, but she is usually the cause of a major blowup or an overall downer for the gathering.