It’s high time Americans accept a first-world side effect of the COVID-19 pandemic, and I don’t mean those blasted directional floor stickers I can’t navigate in the aisles at Walmart. No, I’m referring to male-pattern corona hair.

At the risk of sounding like a narrow-minded, shortsighted, male chauvinist invasive feral swine, the closure of hair salons during the COVID-19 pandemic has been a source of anxiety mainly for the fairer sex. (Dang! There I go again!) But for men with profuse scalp shrubbery like mine, the angst has been every bit as severe.

Jase Graves is an award-winning humor columnist from East Texas.

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